I recently started taking anti-depressants. I could say the new medication I’m taking is working some magic. I have no more hunger-pangs, where I eat my stomach out. I no longer quarell with my own mind every 5 minutes, and I no longer feel like I’m tired 90% of the time. In August, I’ll be living in Chicago. Oh, yeah. Seeing how I enjoy being happy rather than sad all the time, I might just give up drinking.
It became pretty clear that I have no reason for staying here in El Paso anymore, well at least no reason when it comes to friends. I’m tired of being put in the middle of everything. I can’t respond to everyone’s needs and wants. Being pulled apart by the right and the wrong. I still have someone, like myself. But, I hope that for your sake you open your mouth and say the truth, because I won’t tell it. You can bet I’ll keep my distance from you.
Being in Chicago for the past week, I pulled the hand-brakes on my thoughts. I thought moving to a big city could make me feel more special. Then it came to me; no matter where you live. Small or big city, you can still feel like you’re alone. I just want someone to carry some weight for me.
I’m not physically alone, but I feel forgotten. To be honest, I’ve felt terribly alone this whole time. Sometimes, I endlessly wait to find a person I can call my own: boyfriend, best friend, mentor.
I want someone to stay, but mostly: to never give up.
I don’t even know my own family. I know what they’ve become, but I don’t know who they are. I lost myself a few years back. I got caught up taking pills and dancing around on my kitchen floor. Pretending is my greatest weakness.
Chloe Moretz front row at Sportmax Fall 2012 in Milan, February 25th
oh myyyy
painting by Tjalf Sparnaay
It is my last few months in El Paso and words cannot explain how stoked I am to move out. I’m constantly trying to change and better myself, despite that I love all my friends, family, and co-workers. Give me the best months to remember.
